Shark Killer Hoo Ha Ha

Okay, so maybe, just maybe the title is a bit of a exaggeration. I didn't kill a shark...but I certainly mutilated and dismembered it. Yes, my dear readers, I, Carmen Elaine Parker, dissected a shark. There is a catch though, it wasn't a vicious Great White (sadly) it was just a measely dogfish shark. But that still is something right? I wasn't planning on participating in digging into the flesh of a already dead creature of phylum chordata. In the end though, I helped mutilated a shark that was in bad need of some febreeze. Anyways, it was totally gross, and what made matters worse is that the boys in my Biology class had complete and total pleasure in destroying the poor fellow. We named our shark Johnny Deep in honor of Johnny Depp, the other shark was named Orlando Bloom. Scaples flying, scissors snipping, flesh ripping, bones crunching. Yes, makes your skin crawl doesn't it? This is what I suffered for an hour and a half in Biology this past Tuesday. The boys of my class did most of the dissecting and I sat idly by taking notes and trying to hold on to my recently consumed lunch. What's worse is one boy, who thrives off of teasing me enjoyed every moment of seeing me cringe at every snip of the scissors and every scrape of the scaple against the shark's flesh. He even went so far as to make the shark talk to me. Literally, he picked up our shark and said in a honey sweet sing song voice " Carmen, kiss me Carmen, kiss me good bye". It was completely and totally revolting. For someone who wants to be an animal doctor one day, I won't be able to do the surgeries. I'm serious, I cry every time I see an animal suffering and cringe at bones crunching. No joke..I'm a wimp. Back to the lovely topic of dissecting and dismembering a creature of class chondrichthytes. Not only did this fellow who was enjoying my complete horror of watching a shark being torn apart make the creature talk, he also made a show of scraping the scaple against the shark's flesh. The noise was like nails on a chalkboard to me. Here's the funniest thing that happened though, during the dissection, Mrs. Parker, our Biology teacher, was spouting out shark facts as we worked. One thing caught my attention, the dogfish shark, has oil in his liver which helps him stay a float in the ocean. Mrs. Parker warned us to be extra careful when cutting into the shark's liver since it's full of oil. Michael, my lab "buddy" was so busy goofing off  around me that he completely and totally missed the warning of being "extra careful". So off he went, cutting recklessly into the exposed liver, and the best part of it was, his face was directly in front of the liver, mouth and everything. Oil spouted directly into his face, reaching into his mouth and everthing. I know I sound like a jerk for finding amusement in this, but hey, it was hysterical. I literally fell out of my chair, rolling on the ground laughing, tears were seriously streaming out of my eyes from laughing so hard. That honestly made my day. In the end, I cut the head off of the dogfish shark. Yes, you read right, I cut the head off this poor shark's head. I exposed his brain to the world, believe me, there wasn't much brain to show. Poor Michael, I still can't get his facial expression out of my head, poor fellow, probably is still rinsing oil out of his mouth. Good times in Biology, gotta love them.

~Carmen ...Sandiego...